Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Yesterday it would have been my dad's 84th birthday! We - my mother, brother and I - went to his birth village in the early evening and scattered his ashes in a place where  he used to play as a young kid. 
Before he died I once asked him what we should do with his ashes after his death and he answered that he wanted them to be scattered in the place where he was born. So we did! It was my idea to wait until his birthday with scattering his ashes in order to make a full circle of his life. 
I scattered his ashes around a tree. My brother took some pictures. My mother just watched me scattering her husband ashes. She's in peace with his death and this was just the final step that had to be taken. We're just not the kind of people to keep the ashes in or on a closet or to visit a graveyard. Next year on his birthday, or whenever she wants to, I will take her to his final resting place. We can sit on a nearby bench and look at the undisturbed ground and talk about my dad and how he loved to ride on his bicycle and passed by this very same spot many, many times.

Monday, April 16, 2012

A new week

A few days before my son left the house, there was a young cat wandering around the house and when I opened the door to let in my own cat Misty, he sneaked in and ate all of Misty's food. So 2 days later I thought that maybe he was kicked out of the house and I put on some posters with his picture and  my phone number on trees and lampposts in my neighbor hood and also in the local supermarket. No one phoned to ask about him. I gave him food and shelter for the cold nights. During the day he would go outside and lay under the tree in my front yard. Misty wasn't happy with the little one but I thought he was cute and very caressable. He liked to sleep on my lap, something Misty never does. But I think he's gone now, haven't seen him since yesterday morning when I let him out very early in the morning.
It makes me think that maybe he was sent to me for the purpose of transitioning better from still having my son at home to no one to mother! Who knows! 
Well this was 'Sammie'!

Last week I started to sow again. I recently bought a new sewing-machine because the old one wasn't working properly anymore. I'm making covers for the cushions for the second hand caravan that I bought last year. I'm going to pimp the caravan in an Eastern/gypsy kind of style. For the covers I'm using jeans fabric combined with gypsy kind of fabrics.

In case you've missed the photos of the caravan (I'm not even sure that I've posted them on my blog!), here they are! 

The walls of the caravan can be folded!

It looks dark inside the caravan, doesn't it?! I want to bring in some color with new covers and curtains. I'm even going to paint or wallpaper the walls and ceiling. I'm not sure about painting the closet and kitchen yet. I hope to finish the caravan before the end of this Summer so that we can take her out for our first trip!

This afternoon I went out for a walk. I want to better my life and make a walk every day from now on and not only on Sundays with my sweetheart and his dog! It was a sunny but cold day today! But look how green nature already is getting! I love to take this path just outside the village!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Big change!

The big change in my life is that my son has moved out of the house last Thursday. He now lives with one of the people who has been working with him 2 days a week over the last couple of years and where he also regularly went for a short stay, like weekends or holidays. He always loved going there so he was very happy to hear that he could live with them for a while and not at some strange place with strange people.

N. and her husband have a small apartment next to their house, which is perfect for my son to live in. It's a great place where he can learn how to take care of himself and where he will be able to learn the necessary tools to live on his own in the future. 
Here at home he wasn't growing anymore. As a matter of fact, in some ways he was acting more autistic then he had ever done before! His behavior really put a strain on me! At the same time I was really tired of having people over at my house 5 days a week. I have been dealing with that over the last 9 years and over the last year or so, it was wearing me out. I suppose I'm in desperate need for more privacy!!

In my country it is hard to find a good place to live for someone with autism and high functioning, especially of my son's age (18). There seem to be a lot of good places for people with autism who are also mentally handicapped. For higher functioning adolescents with autism they either have to live in a group home or on their own, there is hardly to find anything in between. My son needs to have his own apartment with 2 or 3  people coming by to check on him or whom he can call when he's in need of help. He couldn't bare living in a group home with different staff every other day or so. He would also get crazy if he had to share the kitchen and bathroom with other people (this was already getting a problem here at home). 
Well, for now he has his own apartment with: living room, bedroom, bathroom and kitchen.

His apartment is on the left of the house.

His living room.

The kitchen with dining table.

The bedroom and on the other side of the stairs there is a 

working space. His computer now stands on the right side of the desktop.

The bathroom.

N. and her husband are living close by if he needs help and he still has the 2 other attendants who come over to work with him in the afternoons. N. and the 2 other attendants are all working 2 afternoons with my son, in which they will help him to learn how to cook other meals then the ones he already learned to cook at home, how to clean his apartment, wash his laundry, etc. etc..  Because the apartment is separate from the main house with its own frontdoor, the 2 other attendants don't need to come in the main house and bother N. and her husband. 

Somehow it feels like a failure to me that I had to let him go (I wish I could afford to buy/rent a house like N. and her husband have!), but I also know that he needs this change to grow and become more independent! So, I suppose in the end it's okay!! I think it will feel strange though having the house all to myself. But ... in June he will come home for a whole week because N. and her husband also need some time to be on their own from time to time! :D

PS: It was hard on my son to leave our beloved Misty behind. He has to wait until my birthday (later this month) before he can see her again. Luckily he could take his guinea pig Streep with him to his new apartment!  

Somebody I used to know cover

Found this You Tube video on somebody else's blog and I think it's awesome!!!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

A big change in my life and I needed a good laugh

Some things has changed in my life this past week but I tell you about that later. For now I just want to share this video with you. My sweetheart and I went to see this guy last night. Great show!!! I could use some funny entertainment and a good laugh!