Thursday, April 28, 2011

Creative despair! ;)

Since I've started the EMDR treatment about a month ago it seems that I lack creativity. I just can't get to painting or drawing or mixed media art. I have been doing some crochet and have been working in my garden a lot though. I know from experience that my creativity will return some day but I have to be patient and especially be kind to myself! 

When I went to see the psychologist I discovered that I'm again suffering from PTSS. It seems that once you've had a PTSS it is more easy to have it again when something unpleasant happens in your life. In my case it had to do with someone I completely trusted and who took advantage of me. I'm having an EMDR session every week and it is mind consuming. The good thing is that it already starts to feel less painful when I'm thinking about the moment that I felt used. In the beginning there was this big painful 'knot' in my stomach but this morning it felt less painful and much softer. Like the first time I went through EMDR, my body is telling me exactly how I felt when the bad stuff happened. Sometimes it's hard for me to find the words to describe how I felt or what thoughts went through my head, but my body remembers and gives me signs.

Celebrated my 54th birthday a couple of days ago! I wasn't in the mood for a big party and just asked Cor and his mother, my parents, a friend and 4 neighbors to stop by for some afternoon tea, cake, drinks and snacks. Zander and the lady who works with him on Tuesdays took care of the 'catering'. He did a great job and I was very proud of him! When I told him that, he gave me a big smile! 

Sorry for not having some new photos of my art work! Be patient!!!


Marit said...

Veel sterkte, zon en mooie momenten toegewenst Anniek!

Natalie Neumann said...

I love and appreciate your honesty. There is pure life here and this is why I always will and want to come back to read more. Much much love to you, you are so much stronger than you dare to tell yourself.